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Ahmadinejad Kind Of Getting Back Into Old R.E.M. Again | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - TEHRAN—Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told reporters Thursday he was kind of getting back into old R.E.M.

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10th May, 2012

5-Year-Old Announces Circle No Longer Her Favorite Shape | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - ALLENTOWN, PA—Radically reversing nearly three weeks of precedent, local 5-year-old Tricia Billings announced Saturday that the circle was no longer her favorite shape. "Circles aren't my favorite anymore," said Billings, denouncing t...

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12th May, 2012
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'Game Of Thrones' Running Out Of Unkempt Old Men To Cast | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - LOS ANGELES—According to insider sources, the future of HBO's Game Of Thrones is currently in doubt, with the hit fantasy series facing a dire shortage of weather-beaten, bedraggled old men to cast.

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14th May, 2012

Gray Wolves Sighted In Capitol Building For First Time In 85 Years | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - WASHINGTON—Wildlife biologists confirmed Friday they have documented multiple sightings of endangered gray wolves in the U.S.

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11th May, 2012

Disney Reveals That Every Disney Movie Takes Place In Single, Unified Universe | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - BURBANK, CA—During the final installment of a three-part retrospective podcast on the film studio Thursday, longtime Disney illustrator Russell Schroeder revealed that every one of the company's live-action and animated features takes place in a…

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10th May, 2012

Kay Jeweler's Clerk Forced To Show Diamond Rings To Girls Wearing Sweatpants Again | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - Kay Jeweler's Clerk Forced To Show Diamond Rings To Girls Wearing Sweatpants Again

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12th May, 2012

Prince Fielder Urges Rookie To Choke Up On Burrito | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - DETROIT—Tigers first baseman Prince Fielder reportedly shared years of veteran experience Wednesday by urging rookie pitcher to Drew Smyly to choke up on his burrito, claiming it would vastly improve his control and ability to make contact with…

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13th May, 2012

New Poultry Stripe Gum Hardly Tastes Like Goose After Chewing For One Minute | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - New Poultry Stripe Gum Hardly Tastes Like Goose After Chewing For One Minute

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13th May, 2012

Man Confidently Strides Through Beaded Curtain Without Parting It | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - Man Confidently Strides Through Beaded Curtain Without Parting It

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10th May, 2012

Guitar Music Fad Runs Course | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - CLEVELAND—Nearly six decades after electric-guitar-based rock and roll began its dominance of mainstream popular music, the fad has finally run its course, a group of fans, critics, and record industry executives confirmed Sunday.

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13th May, 2012

Roger Goodell Tells Junior Seau's Family To Throw Brain In His Trunk With The Rest Of Them | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - OCEANSIDE, CA—After paying his respects to the late Chargers great Wednesday, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell acceded to Junior Seau's family's request to have the deceased linebacker's brain studied for the effects of repeated concussions, telling…

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11th May, 2012

Environment-Friendly Hollywood Achieves 91 Percent Recycled Content | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion Radio News

THEONION.COM - RT @TheOnion: [audio] Environment-Friendly Hollywood Achieves 91 Percent Recycled Content

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10th May, 2012

Washington Post Hit Piece On Romney… Embellished? | The Right Sphere

THERIGHTSPHERE.COM - Things just got interesting. One of the “witnesses” used in the Washington Post hit piece seems to have thrown a wrench in the narrative. Stu White, a Romney friend, has this to say: White was not present for the prank, in which Romney is said…

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10th May, 2012

Police Continue Investigation Into Body Found At Churchill Downs By Questioning Horse Of Interest | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - LOUISVILLE, KY—The Louisville Metro Police Department said Thursday it is following all leads in the murder of track worker Adan Fabian Perez, even bringing in Derby horse Daddy Long Legs for questioning as a horse of interest.

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12th May, 2012

Ex-Girlfriend Really Into Sex Now | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

THEONION.COM - Ex-Girlfriend Really Into Sex Now

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9th May, 2012
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